When we are on the journey of self-discovery and we are exploring our attachment styles it is fundamental to be compassionate and non-judgmental with ourselves. We can also hold the knowledge that we can have qualities of all the attachment styles and whatever our primary style is, we can heal our attachment wounds and cultivate a secure attachment within ourselves and move toward healthy & nurturing relationships.

Secure attachment is fostered when we had caregivers that were able to be present and responsive to our emotional and physical needs for the majority of the time. It is important to humanise the experience of being a caregiver and highlight that it is a ratio, as no person can be perfectly available and attuned all of the time.

These experiences resulted in us having the innate knowing of our lovability, self-security, emotional regulation skills, and an openness to give and receive love.

Some of the aspects of secure attachment are:

• This attachment style means we understand that we are worthy of connection & love

• Often experienced as open, present, communicative, supportive, balanced & open-hearted

• Understand that connection is safe & does not struggle with vulnerability

• Openly expresses feelings, needs & boundaries & interdependent

• Ability to comfortably give & receive love

Secure attachment is the attachment style that our brains were designed to thrive in, and it is possible to foster these pathways through conscious healing. We often ‘inherit’ our attachment style from our parents which creates a transgenerational pattern of attachments for our families but we can break this cycle with awareness and therapeutic action.

Whatever our attachment style may be the secure attachment style has important lessons for us to acknowledge.

• Humans are fundamentally designed to thrive with consistent love and responsiveness from their caregivers
• Consistent is enough to foster a secure attachment for our children
• The qualities of a secure attachment style can be cultivated through conscious healing, practice and/or the support of a trauma-informed therapist.