It is important for us to approach the exploration of attachment styles from a self-compassionate & non-judgemental. This creates an environment that fosters healing toward a secure attachment style & more harmonious relationships.

We develop an avoidant attachment style when our primary caregivers are emotionally &/or physically distant or unavailable when caring for us when we were infants.

This means that they weren’t able to be reciprocal, receptive, responsive, attuned, or present to us & weren’t able to see us for who we were. This could have meant that they had high expectations of us & were dismissive & or disappointed when we did not meet these expectations.

Due to the lack of emotional &/or physical needs being met this attachment style leads us to believes that we won’t get our needs met by others & therefore we have highly developed self-soothing abilities such as storing positive emotions in fantasies or our imagination when our emotional needs are lacking. This style can also sometimes result in a complete dismissal of our emotions & creates a sense of detachment.

Some of the core beliefs of this attachment style are that of an assumed rejection from others, deep self-shame & that intimacy or closeness is inherently unsafe.

This style is often experienced as seeming “self-orientated”, withdrawn, dismissive, private, emotionally unavailable & avoid emotional vulnerability. This style can present as intellectual & are strong thinkers. Like other insecure attachments, this style though may present as dismissive, also simultaneously craves & fears intimacy.

How to heal from the traumas of this attachment style

– Practise self-validation & empowerment

– Practise connecting with own feelings & expressing them to others

– Practise vulnerability with safe people

– Reprogram/rewire your brain to understand that safety & trust with others are possible through repetitive messaging, affirmation & the use of reasoning.